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Somewhere Between Podcast
Somewhere Between Podcast

Episode 1 · 10 months ago

Our Thoughts: Celebrating Chinese New Year

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

In this bonus episode, Maia, Aimee, and Alia discuss Chinese New Year with fellow Chinese adoptees, Tara and Blythe. Together, they share their first memories of the holiday, how they plan to celebrate it this year, and what it means to them. They also discuss feelings of discomfort around celebrating this holiday. 

You can find Tara and Blythe on Instagram @landofrunningtara and @blytheshulan. For Chinese adoptees, you can also check out Tara's podcast, Adopted Babies from China.    

See you guys next time!

We've added music! 

Intro: Lights by Sappheiros (https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic)  

Outro: herbal tea by Artificial.Music (https://soundcloud.com/artificial-music)

Welcome back to another episode of summer between, a podcast made by Asian adoptees for Asian adoptees. Hi Everyone, welcome to the special episode of somewhere between. Well, we were talking about Chinese getting here. I'm made me, I'm Aliyah, a Maya, and today we are also joined by Chinese adoptees blythe and Tara. Do you guys want to give a little intro about yourselves? They can't see you waiting. Oh right, right, I guess. Yep, so I'm Tara. Tara, I go by either, I guess, Oh, Shinian, Kolah, right, because we're all Chinese adoptees. Yeah, they've learn. Yeah, I might. Yes, of my name is Tara and I am in New York City. I am a host of adopted babies from China podcast and I currently sort of work, but not really in the city, and I'm excited to talk about this topic because I think pretty rolling the Blithe I think you mentioned, you don't really think about these things until you're the questions are asked, and now I'm like, okay, I gotta regroup and think about it. Yes, I'll carry it to you to introduce as well. Awesome yeah, hi, I'm blithe. My Chinese name is Schula. I am twenty three, living in Toronto, where Maya is. And Yeah, interested. I excited to answer the the questions today because I'm sure we can all relate. Whenever this time of year rolls around, it's just you just get a little bit like hmm, so excited to unpack a little bit. They we're super happy to have you guys here. Well, actually we're very happy to welcome me both back, because he both did and guessed before. It'll be exciting to kind of discuss this topic because, as adoptees, is not something that I always talked to others about. So for you guys, I kind of want to you know here on like how you first were introduced to Chinese New Year. Was it through childhood, parents self searching kind of what was your first experience? I remember it was always like they I was adopted through plan Canada or something, Plan International, I don't know. The logo was like the little person like with a rainbow over, and so for a while when I was younger, they held like annual New Year's sort of parades or celebrations like in the building and people who had adopted kids in the past would all like bring their kids and I never really cared too much about it, honestly, when I obviously when you're a kid you don't. And so those are kind of like my first memories of the thing that I just kind of get brought to and I'm sitting there like on Cynthia, the person who adopted me, the LAPP, and I'm just like okay, and I remember she would put up a lot of like the good fortune signs and that upside down around the house, which is interesting. It's an interesting sort of thing that I think a lot of adoptive parents with children from China do. And Yeah, that was kind of my my first memories of it. I never really thought about it too much. I would get a red packet, a home ball every year from like like random people, none of whom are Chinese, and I was like okay, I'll take the money. But then, yeah, I don't know, as I sort of feel like pulled away from my adoptive family and got, I don't know, more into and touches the wrong way to put it, but as I became sort of like separated from them more, had more Chinese friends and that kind of thing. I feel like new Chinese New Year or Lunar New Year took on its own sort of thing for me. So lately, for the last few years, I've been celebrating with other Chinese friends who are usually Chinese Canadian. Most of them are not adopted, though most of them are second gen immigrants, and you know, we'll just do like a sweet dinner at someone's house is something like that. So it's kind of morphed over the years.

Wait, have a follow question. You said you got humbous just from like random people or like just in your family, because like in the in the families, like family friends and that kind of thing. Yeah, that's awesome. I feel like I only got it from my mom or dad. So me too. You Dallas right s out. For Money, I think I only ever got like a lucky packet once and it was my mom had put like the only chocolate mooneason, and that wasn't just one year. Oh Yeah, yeah, I feel like for any Chinese, your New Year wasn't like really celebrated growing up. I can't remember the first time like we did anything for I know my like when I got a little bit older, we would like order in Chinese food take out sometimes and my mom has these really fancy it's not that she got from China and they're like the writer. Still she would like make the table look really nice and I was pretty much it. It's still cute, though. Yeah, it is. My Mom would like decorate, my dad too, because my parents are divorced. They would decorate like their houses. They had my mom had this like accordion style dragon. She would like lap around the banister. She like did the thing like I was talking about, like the happy ness and stuff, and then my mom had this like Really Large Square Ottoman and we used to like cover that with a blanket and we would put pillows in the floor and eat like like Mulan on the ground and we get Chinese take out, but like we call it, because I can give my mom was that wanted move you, behind you. It is absolutely yeah, movie. So my parents like bought a placard of it and then put it up. That's a big because, like in the movie Milan, they would sit at like the the low table and they would have tea and so I was like, Oh my God, like I'm basically moved out and I don't like sure, yeah, just on the grounds. I'm pretty may watched the big Bud in China. That was a thing that we did. I didn't know that existed. I God, wait, not gonna Watch that. It's pretty good, except the monkey king terrifies me to this day. I don't like lucky king. You just pop up and like an I didn't like it. So I guess I should follow up thinking back to my first distinctive memory of Lunar New Year was, honestly, I think, being invited to a house gathering and there was the whole made dumplings going on and then all these other foods with other Chinese American second generation or also parents and other adoptees. It was with others from the dance group that was a part of, which was like a Chinese dance focus group, director of the programs from mainland China, and we would gather. So I think that's my first distinctive memory bed and understand exactly why we were all together having this really, really fancy meal and making dumplings from scratch, because as far as I was concerned, dumplings came from the little takeout container. And then following that year, I believe we actually performed in like a big exhibition, or I don't know if that's the right word, but a big performance, because they actually do that. I think every year they have a huge performance of singing and opera and acting and dancing of all types, and I think it goes on for hours. I don't remember which night of the New Year they do it, but we also are dance group would participate in some of those gatherings. So that I was like, Oh, this is like a big deal, but why is it that they're are we doing this now, when we just celebrate the New Year on this other calendar? That was a whole other conversation that I was told a lot, but yeah, those, I would say. That's my most vivid memories of this whole concept of like having a celebration just for being in a different culture from like American or, I guess Canadian too. Right. Yeah, we're about you all. Yeah, because you grew up with a Chinese mother. So that's actually kind of funny and that, I'm my first memory of Chinese New Year is actually not with Chinese people. My first memory is from first grade, where I...

...was in school, and I don't know if this is the same thing in Canada. But we have like parent PTEO. It's like the parents get together, they do their own planning for sometimes like class exercises or different Choli day stuff, and my mom was on that and she actually convinced them to do something for Chinese New Year just for that inclusion, and she came in that day and we made those paper lanterns and that was actually when I learned about, you know, kind of the meaning of Chinese New Year and some like traditions, and then she explained that to my classmates and it was so funny because I felt exactly like them, like completely clueless, had no clue about it, and I was sitting they're like wow, this is so cool and I don't think I realized exactly like the full scale of like what it meant. It felt like still being an outsider and I think as I got older it I understarted understanding more of why it's such a celebration or understand the traditions. But at the same time it's kind of funny. I actually didn't like Chinese New Year for a while because I remember people would always, you know, they'd try and celebrate with me or they say like Oh, happy Chinese New Year. And then some form of like semi racist statement of just some weird Chinese to me, or they like they would ask me questions of Oh, you're going to eat like brain today or something people. So for a while, yeah, right, they were just like a kids, anything weird they could think of and their lot. Or they'd be like, Oh, you behind in the times, you missed it by two months. I thought, I've definitely heard that one. Yeah, so I don't think I really actually started understanding it or really looking forward to it until I became older. Since you actually grew up with like guests learning Chinese traditions at New Year, are there like any that you particularly enjoy? HMM, I don't think we actually really followed many other than distributing home bow and just eating a lot the best ones right, like that's all that matters. It was funny because that was not the tradition that we really followed. We kind of just looped in Chinese New Year to other traditions. So in Chinese culture there's this thing called Ching Ning, apparently, and that's when you go back to your ancestors graves and you kind of pay homage. That's when they do like the burning of the money and everything. So that's kind of what Chinese kneear actually became for me when I was younger, and another reason why I actually didn't like it. We never celebrated on new years. It was always after, and then we would just meet up for both. So it would be food, celebration, home bow, a little bit of death, average party. Yeah, what about you guys? Did you feel that your kind of view on Chinese New Year, or you know, maybe like an interest or the way you celebrate it, changed as you got older? I feel like I have more respect for as I've gotten older. I'm currently twenty, going to be going on twenty nine. So I do think as going through the identity with like adoption and just what what am I doing in life, having something to connect to that's new or UN known to me has been a really Nice Avenue to just explore and I do appreciate the work that goes into making a dumpling from scratch. I think that's like a lot of patients and care that you don't see what it could just be. As I'm getting older, I appreciate these aspects of something that I come from that I'll never really be a part of. Two and as a kid, I mean I think we're still trying to...

...figure out like why we're getting money for no reason. Really now, as an adult, like, oh well, I guess we can get money for no reason for many occasions it's just happens to be one, is it? The money that we would get though, in the packet is the one you said that you would burn to or so like a separate burning of money. That's like a new concept. Oh yeah, so that's actually something separate. The money you get in the packet is like that's the Chinese near tradition. The burning of money is the one that goes with channing and you would burn money or paper clothes, paper cars, paper houses, and supposedly by burning that you're sending it to your ancestors. So if that's the case, my my grandparents are dat, they're loaded and they've got like paper Gucci and BMW's everywhere. Bool for media, I think it changed like kind of what I was talking about before, where it's changing from the thing that I don't really understand that I'm just like okay, whatever, and as I sort of I'm lucky to make more Chinese friends and that kind of thing. It becomes more of a communal thing. So I guess I would say it becomes it changes for me from this sort of which I think a lot of adoptees and probably any you know, second third generation, any sort of Chinese who grew up abroad might find, but maybe particularly for adoptees, because we usually lack that familial connection. Anything like, you know, lunar, New Year or whatever, is just kind of this festival of signs, of symbols, of these hollow symbols. You know what I mean? Oh, it's whatever. I I'm Chinese. I guess like here'll stick up fortune sign on my wall and like whatever, which I think is often maybe like how, when you know, our adoptive parents sort of decorate the house like that kind of thing. I think it often is like, even if we like, whether or not we like it, whether or not it's well intentioned, is just kind of like this like Oh, your Chinese of like here, will stick a sign up, you know. So I think it changed from that just kind of like hollow symbol to something that now I can't say that like I deeply, deeply understand like the you know, anything that's happening, but what it means to me now that I think is substantial is like having these communal experiences. So, like one time I got invited to my friend's place and there were just everyone she knew who was Chinese, who are all women also, were just there and we just all made dumplings together and it was really cute and we sucked at it and she would just like message her mom for the recipe and send her mom pictures to see if she was doing okay. And you know, when covid hit, I just had like a sad takeout dinner with my friends on zoom or something. But I think it's come to sort of be that communal aspect and in a way, like I feel like that's probably how a lot of you know, China, Chinese or whatever people experience it. To write, like like we, if we celebrate Christmas here, it's not because we know anything deep about like the history of Christmas or anything, or even that were Christians, but it's more just like the holidays, you know, like you're with your family or something. So yeah, so sweet though. I really love that, and it's like that thing of you know, yes, you have first family, yes you have adaptive family, but then there's also that really important family that you choose to build. Absolutely there's that something you'll be doing again this year? Play? Honestly, I have not. I don't know yet. I don't know yet. I haven't heard whether anyone wants to do anything. Also, people have like their own families right so, like a lot of my friends, because they're their second Gen's, like they'll just go home with their families for the holidays or something. And of course, like I can't go because of covid and that kind of thing like right now. So I'm not sure. It might just be a zoom thing. Honestly, maybe I'll just making come make dumplings with us.

That would be cute. Are you going to do that? So I actually don't really usually celebrate Chinese year. Brothers is that we can talk about later. But that's also a good thing that might we can maybe try and started doing this year for myself. So cute. Yeah, although I have tried to make dumplings in the past and I'm just like really bad about folding, though. I've watched the SCIRCUATORIALS and I just don't know, because I wasn't good at Orgon me. I don't know. Oh, no, doesn't have to be pretty, that's true. Showing some taste good, right. That's all the matters and the feeling doesn't leak too much. Yes, they don't want dry dumplings or about you guys, what are your plants? One year that I was in college, my fat I had another Chinese friend. We took a couple more of our friends to Chinatown in New York and we like got to celebrate with like a big foul. So that was really cool. It was a lot of fun. It was like a little group of people that we took and then we went back. I was in a Co ed marching band fraternity for service, so it's just a big old nerdfest. But we had chapter after and we bought everybody like hung bows, but we just stuffed them with like candy we got in Chinatown. So that was really cool. But kind of like what Bla said, like the last couple of years, you know, covid trying to be safe and everything, so we've kind of cut down to, you know, just take out. I might be would convinced my friends to like maybe we can go to somebody's house and we can like get take out. Most of my friends in the state that I'm going to be in. Our white so it's kind of like what blessessing is like for them. It's more like just like Oh, this is like things adjacent to Chinese things, and like we'll do it with a me because she's really excited about it, and I'm just like like, Oh my God, guys, Don gonna get hog bout, we're gonna get dumb flings, and they're just like yeah, sure, whatever, yeah, you want to do you want to like watch a movie too. So like it's a little stereotypical. They always well intended, but like we'll put on that crazy which Asians or Mulan or something, just to kind of keep the vibe going. They all it's always with love. So that's probably what I'll do. Last year I spent it with my dad, but I'm going back into Connecticut, so it's just my friends around. So the family that we make right. Yeah, those so Shung Chee, that's true. We do have that one dude. We saw that movie with my friend and he fell asleep at the end. He always fell asleep, and we get to the end and we're like, would you think of the Dragon, because it looks so cool. So spoiler alerts dragon somewhere and he was like what, Dragon, really, what did you miss? The last like half hour of the movie? It was, anyways, the important part. I know that's what we normally end up doing. How about you guys all, Yah, are you gonna do anything this year? Um, it's like you guys wear covid. I've been missing my family and for me it's kind of been really sad in a different way, and that it's made me realize, you know how old my family members are. You guys know how it is like adoptees. We just tend to have older parents and then our families are older and because everyone's so worried about covid, like you know, we've got to be really careful because of their age too, and so it's kind of just like that limited time you have left people. So but still trying to find a way to celebrate. I am going to go home with my mom, go home to my mom after the New Year and she wants to try a bunch of old recipes that her mom actually used to make and she never learned. So she wants to try them out with me and like kind of teach me how to make them. Wait, yeah, I'm super excited because it's kind of funny. You guys mentioned like, you know, making dumplings like Tara with like your dance team or blythe with friends, and my family's actually never done that. We've never done the like make your own Chinese New Year Food and stuff. We make...

Chinese foods sometimes at other holidays, but for Chinese New Year we just always went out, and so this will kind of be the first time where it feels like like what Chinese people do, if that makes sense, and not kind of, MMM, how to describe it, like non Chinese people, because doing the like going to the restaurant to get Chinese food or going to the New Year's festival that would go through like Chinatown, I always felt like such an outsider, like they could see that I'm fake or something, you know. So this kind of feels like that first time of Oh, like I'm actually connecting this year. I'm really special. It's really fun talf about it. After I'll send you a pictures out a share some of the rest of these too, if they go well. If they go well, could do like a little tick tock would I'd be so satisfying. I'm never download tick Chok. Well, apparently it has a really big adoptee community on there. That's what like many people have told me. Yeah, it's huge. It is a lot. Yeah, I've been huge. That's unexpected. Yeah, bigger than like instagram or anything else. It's pretty big. So what are you going to be doing? I'll be off. coved or not, I probably would have done anything. It's sort of just like another day and there I was moving during the last one last year. That's like, yeah, being this year we're trying to mate. To Me's just like another day. I always use it as a count off of like, oh well, sooner'll be Valentine's Day and discount chocolate day, which I think I celebrate that more hardcore. I think. All Yeah, you and I had this whole conversation, probably on the last say I do. Yes, Oh, let's just bring up the chocolate again. But it's so close, you know. It's like, Oh, you got the New Year and then you got moot in a New Year and then chocolate day be my goal. And every time I guessed on your podcast, talk about chocolate day. Yeah, yeah, so, no, no, no, big, no, big celebrator of the New Year and I'm also, I'll be honest, like lazy, because it's like I appreciate the process of making something from scratch, I really do, but I think it's probably hours or preparation. It's like that's okay, I can do that on a day where I don't want to do anything else, but yeah, that's like met a lot of clean up to yes, a lot of stuffs. I don't know if which is worse, like all the preparation before you can make it or all the clean up after the fact. I think it's all the clean up, because you're not even that hungry once you finish making it and you like eat one. It's like, all right, I'm not hungry, but I got to clean this up. But I feel like it's kind of tough if you're not used to cooking like traditional Chinese food or whatever, you have to buy all of those ingredients, whereas like, if you're commonly cooking a lot of those things you already have. You know your basics, so it's it's a relatively easier process and not as expensive to can get like really costly. If you're not used to having like five spice and all that stuff. It's very and also if you don't live in an area where it's easily accessible, like yeah, therey, I'm in Brooklyn. Nothing is shit. Actually, if you guys are interested, we found this website, not sponsored. It's called say we and they have like Korean stuff, Chinese stuff, Japanese stuff, and you can get it delivered. So we've actually been trying that out just because, yes, I do live in New York. Can go to Chinatown, but covid we try to avoid dirty subways and it's been kind of a nice way to try and like make more Asian recipes and experiment with stuff that you always see in movies or like I'll hear Chinese people talk about and I'm like, Oh, yeah, totally know that. That's really cool. One of my friends is from Oklahoma and she drives an hour to get her Asian groceries. Oh God, yeah,...

I struck that dedication. An hour away and like granted down south, like like I don't wone should country mile until I really like. A mile in the city versus a mile to down south is like very different. It's like not that bad, but like still I just look around and I'm like man, I really really am. For how long is she going. She was like definitely, like I want to say at least once a month, if not more. I feel like it's more. But she goes to buy like certain ingredients because she can't get them anywhere else. But she really likes to like she's a Korean Adopti, so she gets like go to Gong and she puts that with chicken and vice. So it's like one of her staples and she gets like big things, advice and stuff, but it's still like an hour just to get Asian ingredients. It's like, man, I would not. I do that for like a very special trip, but it's not like a regular thing. And for her she's like, Oh yeah, I'm going to go get my stuff. I'll be back in two hours because they are in back like man the work communic. Yeah, gonna check my New York City privilege now. Geez, I think for you know, Southwestern Ontario, in most of our grocery stores we have like an international aisle or Asian section, which has like rice and like some cooking sauces. Is that something you guys having like your average grocery store as well? or I would say so, at least where I am always going to make fun of it because it's like international, but it's like Asian and then Spanish, and I even said of the aisle is just like different kinds of ice, and I'm like, yeah, that's true, it's the same kind of yeah, I've been noticing more in the years at in like my area in Brooklyn, and then also in Jersey even, that it's slowly, I say slowly, very slowly, becoming more diverse, the ethnic aisle is sometimes they call it, and they're starting to expand where it's not just Chinese stuff that's like all American brand Chinese stuff. They're actually getting some actual Chinese brands sometimes, or they've been pulling in some Korean food. I seen some Indian stuff. This is all mainly in Jersey and then in New York I've actually started seeing Chinese stuff popping up in my area. So it's been kind of interesting, like watching all the grocery changes. So I guess like the final question before we kind of wrapped this up is one that I was talking about before we start recording, which is do you guys feel any discomfort with celebrating Chinese new Yor, because I know I personally do, I kind of stuff this qualifies for Imposter Syndrome, but I feel like I don't not qualified against to be celebrating it by can I ask is, like is that the the main or like the only reason why you don't really celebrate, like is it? Yeah, I think that's probably the big reason. So I just remember, well, I had like some bad experiences in high school, just like trying to explore my Asian density, because I finally got to go to school with a bunch of Chinese and like Koreans and I was like wow, people who look like me is like amazing, and I was like very quickly turned away because I was not Asian enough for them, and that was very difficult for me to go through, especially in high school, because that's like when you have like your lowest self esteem and it was a rough time. And then think, and so the Chinese. You're right. Before covid I lived with my landlord and some other students look like the family we lived with with Chinese and like one of the other students was. So they took us out for Chinese New Year and I don't know why. I just like the whole experience, which is very uncomfortable, and I just felt the entire time like I was a complete outsider, and so, yeah, that was a full reference for me. Not gonna lie. Maybe it's like like because I I definitely feel like some discomfort, like I think almost any adoptee, even like second probably some second genes, will feel some degree of like imposter syndrome or whatever. But maybe it's...

...like I feel like the discomfort I would feel like because I have to just go off a like hypotheticals because, again, mostly I've spent Chinese New Year would when I'm with other Chinese people, they're like seconds, they speak English. You know what I mean? It's like it's like we're all kind of like I don't know what we're doing here, but but I sometimes I imagine, like okay, like what if I were to go with, you know, one of my friends who's like an international student, and if I tried to like celebrate with with them, and I think it would just like the discomfort I would feel would be not anything particular to like it being New Year's but I think because you just have so many people, like think about all the things right that like, as adoptees or whoever, like we feel probably like insecure about right like language, you know, knowing like certain customs, whether it's like, you know, New Year related or something else like, I think, and just being surround rounded by like a bunch of people who do you know, speak that language or whatever. I think maybe like New Year's for me, like in that scenario, would just be sort of hyper, like amplified version of all the things that I just normally feel, you know what I mean. But it's usually like a little bit, you know, it's not super noticeable. You might it might flare up every now and then, but you don't feel it like all at once. But I think because New Year's is such like a big like thing, like all these people, all this food, of the language, whatever, that maybe that's why some of us are, at least for me, might feel like more uncomfortable around me, is because it's really just like the same old stuff that we're like insecure about or whatever. It's just like extra heart, you know. Yeah, like maybe in some situations you experience like the language and security or like the cultural but then all it's like all of the insecurities all at once like times ten. Yeah, like I'm lucky, like I feel very comfortable, like you know, when I'm with like my Chinese Canadian friends or whatever, but I'm like, oh, man, like if I were with, you know, like a group of like China, Chinese people right now, like I would just feel like very overwhelmed and very like, you know, lacking in all these different ways. So I definitely yeah, if that ever happens, we'll see what. If that ever happens, I'm sure it will be an interesting experience. But yeah, for now that just that's narrators kind of lives in my head and the way I feel a bred New Year's like with Chinese Canadians is pretty chill. But yeah, I think you said that very well. I don't know what to add. The only thing I could add, because I think both of you kind of hinted at it, which I'm surprised, just like my your view to like even in company that was comfortable, you still kind of felt discomfort. But I don't, I don't really know. I feel like it there's only your discomfort, depending on who your company is with when you're, I guess, celebrating that occasion, because it's people usually comfortable with or they know you. It's not as much pressure to put on this like show, but I think what you said was really great. I second it. Yeah, I'm so as when if you've had in like any like reliable experiences stuff, I feel like my brain just forgets all the non great moments and it's all good that I might have had that they got. Definitely had some uncomfortable times and I think like a big thing is a celebration of a parade. Wow, it's like a parade will usually happen and I do admit when I moved to New York City I was kind of excited for that prospect of the parade that goes in, a parade from for them in a New Year. Right, there's a really walk go to one of those, because I've never seen yeah, but I can see how going to the pared and seeing all these strangers like amplify exactly what I was saying related to like, Oh, yeah, I'm not really this is.

It brings up all the Chrauma that we all experience, unless, I guess, if you had a more intimate just to gathering of people and like watching the parade on TV. I don't know if they even do that kind of like we do with American the years and watched New Year Celebration TV. But that makes me think every year they they do the massive gala, right, like CCTV, but like massive gala every year and like look, whatever criticisms aside, etcetera. That's stuff is just hilarious to watch. It's so fun and it's also fascinating, right, like I really enjoy going to watch like I won't watch the whole thing. Also, a lot of it is often comedy sketches in manners I obviously don't understand. But like going back to watch the performances, like the dance and dancing and that kind of thing are always like really interesting because they're either like absolutely amazing, like onspiring. You like, how did they do that, or they're just like so funny, like there's like this like weird I don't know if some live like pop performance where they are clearly trying to be like cool or something and it's not working. But yeah, so I actually do. That is one thing I usually do, and a lot of times, like one of my international student friends like will message me like Oh, did you see this performance, and I'll talk to them a bit about that. But yeah, that's another thing that is like kind of tradition ish, not traditional and like the ade old sense, but like, I think, like most charnys, people watch the Galla every year, or at least some of it, so I try to do a little bit of that too. Yes, yes, I've never heard or seeing that. I gotta Watch that this year and I'll talk about it. Yeah, it's a bonus. Yes, our live reaction to it. Yeah, it was true. Yeah, it dude, like the the documentary we just all watch together. Yeah, perfect. Um, I think because most of the people that I've been surrounded with for not Asian, I because I'm like the most Asian. Just in all sense by being the only Asian, I'm automatically the most Asian. I don't normally feel that discover but I think in college when we would have events like that, I would definitely feel that discomfort because, again, the kind of like what I said, it kind of touched upon the cornerstone of like all of the things that were insecure about. Like I feel like Lan a new year, is the culmination of ever, like it's one of the biggest holidays, right. I mean it's long and it's all about family and every single thing. So it just the culmination of every adoptee trauma in a sense. But again, now that I've left college and I my other Asian friends are more scattered again, I'm back to hang out with mostly my white friends, which is fine, I love them obviously, but that lack of proximity to other people who look like me or sell it would celebrate Chinese New Year as well. It makes me the authority. So like whatever I say kind of works Um like I could lie to them. They don't know, like they have no idea what is going on. But one of the things that I was actually really validating I in right after college, I lived in an apartment and it was owned by a Chinese man. He had a budget of it things he wanted to college kids and he had to come over and fix our heater because it was broken in the winter and it was freezing and might as he was leaving, I said like all action named Corla, and he went, wait, your Chinese, and I was like yeah, I mean I'm adopted, but he's like, I have a Chinese girl living here, like the fact that I was adopted did not matter to him. He was like he like shook my hand and gave me a hog and he's like she didn't question named Correla, and it was just like I've never had that experience of like especially. So I think like either is like he's got a pretty strong accent, so I don't assume, but I feel like he's he's more recent immigrant to America. So just have somebody like validate me entirely and not make me feel like an outsider, knowing always adopted, knowing that both my parents are white. It was like the one...

...time I was like I like almost gone. I was like h like no, Yo, I'm almost crying listening to it. was so almost so happy, like I was the only one of the house and I texted all of them and then for the rest of the time we lived here, every time I messaged him, he started message. He would like like we messaged online. So I guess like he didn't think of it because of my last name, but then when I said that it like all connected to feel like his favorite tenants, he was like you guys are my favorite. It was like so like not like one little nugget, kind of like no, want to say like it it made up for all the other things that we experienced, but like it really it like heals a part of me that I didn't know was broken in a sense, which is like Super Cheesy, but it's true, and I was like, okay, I'm gonna like. It just made me feel good and it made me feel more comfortable, like saying, like Cinian quire a lot of people and just like talking about customs and like saying, like, you know, not prefacing everything was like Oh, I'm adopted, like I don't like just like I don't really know a lot. It just made me feel a little bit more comfortable, even though it's just like one person validating that identity, and like I feel like a little bit more okay, like going into spaces and like I don't know things, but I'm sure trying, and that's that's been like a big change. Even though it's like such a one, like such a seemingly minor thing, it was like really eye opening. No, I mean sweet it was. It was like I felt the Peter Peter, if you're ever going to listen to probably that you know because you're an elderly man, but shout out to you, man. I hope that everyone has a peter experience in their life. M I don't you mentioned. It's like not a big thing, but honestly, that sounds like one of those kind of life changing moments, like you said. I it's like so affirming and to not have to explain your story. Are like feel shameful for your story, to just be like, oh, we have like this bond. I don't care how we have this bond, but it's some sort of bond coming or fellow human. Yeah, it was my whole heart, my whole heart. It's nice to be connected. We have actually our neighbor who lives below us. He's the caretaker of the landlord, which I don't know at all, but ever so often we have like little Shi Mandarin with trying and our communications very limited, but she'll actually like bring us like food and milk and knock on our door and just like give us all this stuff and just doesn't say much, but she's like here. So it's like, Oh, so nice to be connected to somebody from the homeland. It's kind of like the Chinese grandparents we never had. Almost oh yeah, oh, yeah. She called my two roommates up like your is that you're too older brothers? Are they here? Because we're, as it, not related, but it was very sweet. She's like yeah, Boo, good side that like, Oh yeah, they're here. It's very sweet. It's like Oh wow, because again, very limited vocabulary, but she's trying to explain that. It's like are you going to be back home soon? Because the person needs to pick your fix your heater. Ironically, which is really funny, it's like I relate to this story. Yeah, it's really cool. I think a lot, especially those who come to the US and they find like other Chinese people, even if worked apted or not there old they're like there's a community, let's all be together. I think it depends on the area, like if they're if you're in a very white area where it's like a drought in terms of like other Chinese people there, I think they'll like maybe hold on to you more, because I had some similar things. Like I grew up in Brampton, which is like just outside Toronto. It's like very heavily South Asian and black, but they are like almost no east Asians living there, and so like like random Chinese people who worked at like the Mandarin or whatever, which is like this, you know, very cold kind of buffet here. Yeah, would, you know, really like me, and they would, would you know, kind of like get used to me and bring me special cakes and stuff, but I think it's just because they were like no Chinese people in the area. But now, like I live in in Chinatown and Toronto Right and Toronto at least like has pockets...

...where they're like tons and tons of Chinese people, and like people don't give a fuck you. They're like they're all like, Oh, you're Chinese. They're especially we both live around the university area, so this little international students. Yeah, it's actually kind of Nice, though, because I feel like we blend in, which is like some it is n experience before. It is it is delightful, but it's also interesting because like at the same time that you kind of derive these like feelings of closeness and like togetherness or something from that, like it also kind of pushes you away at the same time, because it's like even more are clear like what you're not, you know what I mean. So, like I find it very interesting. I don't know if Maya, you feel the same way or if anyone else here who's like been around, like you know a lot of Chinese people in that way and like lived in an area like that would feel that way. But like it's kind of this this double edged sword, because on the one hand you feel this kind of like togetherness, you feel like you're part of something or whatever, but at the same time it's like, because it's so saturated, you're just like Oh, about Chinese or like whatever, you don't any I'm like we're like kicks in for yet oh yeah, and it's like Chinese were Oh sorrows and say Chinese us. One of those moments where it like forces you to like half to then connect with others adoptees or second generation and rids or because, like we all, I think, in our own timelines and pathways, will identify with the Chinese culture or not in different times. But I think the whole premise of this episode and coming back to it is like talking about the Chinese New Year or all like actually forced to like really identify with that culture in the moment, because it's that event which I think really like full circle of how this came to be, I guess. But yeah, in our own identity, I sees that we have we go through different times, but I think Chinese year specifically will like or see you to have to think about it more than if you weren't even really wanting to. Yeah, yeah, thank you everyone for the great skysh and I feel like I have a lot more to reflect on, I think, especially if life. You made some beautiful points that I will definitely be thinking of for the next couple of days. But it was also like really great hearing all of your stories and it's kind of Nice, and I'm not the only one who feels it's awkward and comfortable abating a Chinese New Year. So Hey, we're all in this together. Jakus a Jig is up as a que high school musical. If you're interested in participating in one of these episodes, you can email us at somewhere dot between dot podcast at gmailcom. It's a lot of dots in our email right. Yeah, once. All right, guys, all the episodes now. Yeah, freehall. It's not the first time we've had too, but we can. Oh God, Fun have you just go in such a long time that I was like, wow, I'm saying dot a lot. Yeah, I feel that I don't forget to join our instagram family at somewhere between Duff am to stay connected with updates, casting calls and more. See you guys next time.

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