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Somewhere Between Podcast
Somewhere Between Podcast

Episode 15 · 1 year ago

Growing Up White: Chinese Edition ft. Aidan, Julia and Kaitlyn

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

In this episode, we discuss growing up in white communities and the impact our childhood experiences had and continue to have on us. We are joined by Chinese adoptees, Aidan Traynor, Julia Wesman and Kaitlyn Rewis. 

We've added music! Intro: Lights by Sappheiros (https://soundcloud.com/sappheirosmusic) Outro: herbal tea by Artificial.Music (https://soundcloud.com/artificial-music)

Welcome back to another episode ofsummer between upon casline by ASIANADOPTIES for Asian adopties. Todaywe are discussed in growing up in white communities from the Chinese adoptisperspective, Awere joined by Chinas, dobtoruse, Aden, Julia and Catland hi, I'm Aden and Um. I was adopted fromChina Um an Ubey province when I was a age like two and a half, maybe ish Umand I grew up in Chicago and then I was in Bost in Massachusetts and then inMaine and then now I'm here in Michigan, so I've kind of you know lived a lot ofplaces and I'm currently in law school. Actually, today, with my first day oftwo l year, so tit's kind cool, I I'm Julia Westman. I am originally fromJangmen in Guangdong Province. I currently live in San Antonio and Iam a personal stylist. Oh you want to tell me Wyeah anybodywhat type of stylelight what type of styaline I don't know if that's not aword os clothes and Oh wowt s, so cool yeah that isn't cool. Do You v likeyour own, like unfashion blog? That is a goal I would love to. Do It um havemy own business and I want to open up a little glocal boutique, but at thecurrent moment I work for a company called Stitch fix Um, oh mo I heard of that more thanawordolder, I would say older people and I definitely would love to work more withlike youth in just like you know, twenties and thirties. So if Yal ErnanYell just hit me up, I would love it. It's so fun. For me, t'Si have o leave the house postcoved.I will definitely hit you up. Hi My name's Kalen Rus M. I was adoptedfrom Nan Chang and actually don't have to say my province Um, so I don't wantto gter their name, but I'm originally from Florida. I went tothe University of Florida for my Undergrad and then I moved to Chicagolast year for Medical Schools I' Been Ting my second year so to open up thediscussion I' ask question of were theree many people of Color ound yougrowing up. I was in a Um white suburb area, prettymuch like my whole life. I always had like one or two people callr around me.I found myself kind of grapetating towards all my whole life and I wasn'treally sure why, for the most part Um, my parents are both white and then mybrother's actually dopet her from Mexico. So I would say there was alwayslike someone around, but I was mainly around Um y people wish. I didn'treally realize how much that impacted me until I went to school at theUniversity of Florida and that's kind of where I found like Asia. CommunityUm Kindi grew like into my son. Do anykind of I thin? That's olly common. A lot of people have to wait until thuniversity, then there's more a larger di diversity of people, yeah theresot alot like freedom in a way yeah. I also think I don't know I've, never really Ye. You think like okay, yes, diversity,like that's what you want, that's what try to obtain and I think growing up. I didn't likefully comprehend what it fully meant. Not necessarily, you know, statisticalsense, but I think when I moved Michigan I was in a community that wasmore Um, diverse and not the I guess. Terminology is litly white community,but so like in Michigan, where I grew where I was. I came in my middle of myduty years. Um there was more diversity and there were just differentexperiences and definitely felt more,...

...not t out. I guess which was Kindo Niceand I think then I started to kind of gain more even more. I guessappreciation besides the statistical aspect of diversity, it's a lot, lesslonely yeah. How about you Julia Yeah? I definitely grew up in aCaucasian dominated environment. Both my parents are white. I have anothersister who is fromapen from China as well, but we are the only people are mywhole entire family of color and along with that mum, where I grew upoutside of Philly in a small suburb, it was Super Um. You know just like typical,like middle class, Um White neighborhood, and then we moved to theMidwest Um during my high school years to the Midwest and Lewis was a pretty Um Caucasiandominated city as well, and actually that's why I, my boyfriend, lives herein San Antonio, but I also fell in love with the city just because there was somuch rich culture and Um kind of just what I've been yearning for for my whole life, and I mean that by notonly people and color in that sense, but also just like the culture is sovibrant and I'd never really been in a city where I felt that, and it's reallyspecial MHM for sure OSOC is like Chinese. Foodis like really good. If you don't get the chance to experience that a lotgrowing up kind, touht totally. Luckily t billy has like the best tyntoeverlike at our way through that all the time, but that was kind of the only wayI felt connected to Um King Chinese 'cause. There were very few Asianpeople in my middle school, but I I remember like it was yesterday. Iwould go, I went to the lunchroom and is kind of like a table of Asian kidsand they cast me away. They were not in se an talking to me because of you know my friends who wereall white, but that was you know to no one's fault, but just you know where Ilived and that was kind of a bummer for me for a while yeah. I definitely understand that typeof experience, Um 'cause. When I lived I so I lived inMassachusetts and Um, so my mom, she was she's alive, so I probably shouldn'tsay it was mosty. I should knock on Wood Um. I don't know you guys have that okay,nomine Um and she tried to really get me connected to my roots and like notforcealy, but like saying, like hey here's, these opportunities Um, I want to like help you be in certainspaces where you can M, engage with in those opportunities and so like Um. So there was this. I had after school program where, likeit was just kind of I go to someone's house and it was kind of, as is likeyou go to your best friend's house, you know, and then your mom picks you upafter, like herwork or something, but in this case it was Um. A lot of Ithink at least one of their parents was from China but trented on very little.So maybe it wasn't even in China, maybe there wase some other Asian countriesAwell, but but they knew all they knew how tospeak Chinese and everything, and they would have like Um time where they would just go like ALDspeak their Chinese. Like was lesson I guess, but because I didn't know how asbig Chinese or anything Um, they kindo made fun of me N and,like I guess, their own way of you know.

...outcasting me I guess Um yeah, it was kind of a bummer and then,like I don't know, then I had my experiences in maide andmy only P. Maine again is a lily white community Um, and my own experiencewith M Asian was that they were Um international students and so thereforethey kind of had their own. You know group and they also had a verydifferent. Like I mean aside from the culturalupbringing, I think also economically m different upbringing aswell, and so so really I was like I didn'tfit. I now either also they ant kne out of speech Chinese and again did notknow how to speak. Chinese Andso, yeah, so kind of got ajaded. I guess I kindocreated, I guess in my mind or with th through my experiences, a jaded Umperspective of the Um Asian Community, and so it Kindo took me a while to tryto like open up and kind of even search for that kind of community, and I haveto give like you know, applause to somewhere between FOTGAS 'cause. That'swhere I like was like. Oh my goodness, like that. First episode that you guysdid, I was like. Oh my God. I have those same thoughts too and like M. Oh, my goodness, wowthere's a type of like a space. For me too. I belong kind of I'm glad so helped you feel like youbelong somwher. I know that I think a lot of adoptins kitd o struggle withthat because you know or to white, for the Asian kids to Asian forthe white kids and then I kind of like well. Where do we go yeah? Definitely resineed withthat aloteverything Asad. I didn't go to Beuy side, IAS, iting carting up being alongbright people. So much I I didn't know Ike what having Asian friends was likefor a while and ID think I just had like all these stereotypes. The collegeactually Jong Lica, like the traditional white, selorities Um andfor the longest time. Actually I w Hav people tell me that, like oh you're,like white Asia in Heke gear, Whitewash Asian, like you're, not like the restof them, make those kind of commens always mad me like really not awareIlik Ma Asan I've actually had some ontommy, who would offerd Iven like asister in Thi sorty. At the time she said that evously didn't want to hangout with, like fobs, like I actally, didn't even know at that Manu so tow.There were so many like moments where I was likealmost hard to have Asianfriends, because it just felt negative for whatever reason and th ended upactually quitting the Soority enjoiing, an Asian Asian American, already ND,getting really involved in the agent community and that Wasyeah, like se Waso ruld, and I was just like kind of the first time, were like the majoritySoe. Like you know you just look around nd you're, like you can't put peopleinto boxes. Like is neet. Some people, like Asian people, are just people likethere's these stereiodydqit on Hean. I feel like that was like pat of a pointwhere I was able to feel more comfortable, but the same time. I Ithink that we guys mean, when you say like you were outcasted, because evenjust being around Asians, who are from like Asian families, there's so muchcultural things that I'm just not aware of, even though Chinese T at I don'tunderstand, like Cinese new years rere, Sir and like there were times where Ifelt so excuded ecause, they were e, you never had Feb before and and I'mlike no and they're like you, never had bobut tea and I'm like no Yahand. It's.I think I think that's a common thing and I don't think they mean to be budabout it or like to offend you, but I don't think they always understandthat's a very sensitive topic and that we can't we can. We can't HLP Tham, wedon't know riht, we don't have e Um opportunities that they have thers a CN, get difference between.

You know internationally Chinese peoplewho are studying here and then as well as trains Americans like us, it's yeah physically, we might look the samebut our whole. You know I mean my life has been shaped completely differentfrom you know from theirs, and you know it's important to be sensitive,because it is easy to kind of step on toes and something. Then I havekind of had to teach myself, though, with no growing up with the time ofAsian friends. Is that just because someone is Asian as well, it doesn'tmean that we automatically have to like get along. You know what I mean like. Iknow that I have an an Ahave had a friendship where italmost felt like force 'cause, we were like you know. We should be friendsbecause we're both adopted from China and Yanata Ya, but that also doesn'tmake sense. It really has to be natural and it has to be. U. You know genuine and entrats are tovingstreght, and so I think it's kind of like the mix of wanting to reach outand like be friends with people in like the same community, but also knowingthat, just because we have this like similar things such as adoption Um, it doesn't mean necessarly that youhave. You know that you're going to get along with everybody like any anyoneelse, Yeahi mean even Um, like Chinese kids,born here in America and raised by Philly Chinese family still Ar Alcassas, sometimes by theinternational students, because you're still not a mainlander and considered fully Chinese, which is socrazy to me that we just like to box each other and try to rank each otherand like how Chinese you are M, but also look on the flipside.There's alsol lots of u negative stereotypes about the internationalstudents who come from maily in China. That's true Ifeel, like there's always time periodswhere, like in any group on men, whether it's like Felloasians or likeother pocs or like with whitefolks. There's, always this feeling of likeneeding to prove my Asian is especially when I'm with, because I think tit'sjust so obvious, sometimes that I'm from like a white family. Maybe it'sjust like the way I talk or like I'm just Americanized, and it comes across that way. 'CAUSE,like my family's, very SOTHERN, so I'll say so other things too, where peopleare like. What are you saying, and then that makes me reallygane to approve myAsan as more, but then when I'm with, like I people, I almost feel like, Ineed to UN it down in a way. theioting he's always just like this feeling oflike being super aware of my ish, I ay with externing groups and kind ofhaving Alidy thoght in like different ways. Our feeling me, like external,like I have toalogy, that I think it's kind of on the line of Umconversation as to identity. Where I know I've Um heard this in thepodcast as well. People saying how Um, when they they sometimes forgetthat they look Asian yhthat's am yeah Um. I I mean I was my mom is Irish, mydad's Irish Um, her brother and sisters, they're, Um, Irish as well like, andit's so born in an Irish Catholic kind of family and so yeah. I was surrounded by a lotof white people, so I kind of forgot that I look Asianand maybe it was because of the way that I grew up and l the way Iinteracted with my family that they didn't, really, I guess say or like Um,have certain M. I guess cerminologies are words that indicated that you'redifferent or that you're Asian Um, but there were like time, were likesometimes I'd. Just looke I'd, walk past t a mirror and I'd be like. Oh, Oh,oh I've, not I I don't know I'mlike. Oh, I am Asianlooking okay, Um and then, but then...

...sometimes, but but w one. It reallyhits is when like you're in high school and there's a substitute teacher, andthey kind of you know try to pronounce your name even though not that hard, Iguess. Maybe it is, I don't know adon trainer but like they ha, but then theykind of assume like, oh, that I'm a international student- and I mean Iguess back, then I wasn't fully offended in a sense 'cause. I'm likeokay, like I guess, 'cause I look Asian and like I don't look like any of theseindividuals, so there's that assumption Um, but then then another time there was anassumption that when I was trying to explain to someone who I was it was helping me with my writing. Iwas like yeah, I'm not very great at like reading that well, but I reallylike, I think it's just. I have like it's hard for me to just put downeverything on paper. It's all in my head and it's all organized in my head,but I just can't get it out on the paper and I'll kind of explaining thatto her. In my reading an Ow, I'm just kind of like flow reading. I mean anthe individual. It was like, oh well, there's some goodchildren's books a and then she like ecided, some reallylike, like legit children's books for me and granted. I was in CommunityCollege, so I'm likeokay. I know how to read like I'm not like that slow. But like that not the point,the point was not that I was slow in my English ability. The point was onnothatjump that she made was like kind of a little bit hurtful Aoty, fresther, fairsot, it's almost insulting in yeah, so I mean granted. At that moment I waslike okay. I can't believe like she thinks I can't read like a normal gradelevel. I guess I kind of feel like it was more towards the fact that I didn'tI looked. I was Ai'asan. You know MHM, I f its Olso, more common when thereisUm, there's less diversity in a area 'cause, then there's more stereotypesand there's less people around to kind of prove that those stereotypes are notcorrect. Right, e're allowed to like continue of living their lives, andjust have these fallow very, like so yeah and simpilistic, very somethingelse I could to upon it so and then, if I not really analyzed or do notit's,not unerstand as a complex, maybe isue or conplexting, it's just like. Oh, shejust doesn't know how to read so I'll, just chiw her like English book. Well,like literally a childs book. Even though me she dan, I could also go inlike the White Sanor complex. Oh yeah, I don't go there, oh my goodness. Sodid you guys know any other dog, Charly Chine oces growing up or EASIAN Aduptis?In general, I had one other friend who was adopted from China that actually myparents were friends with their parents Um, and that was pretty special, I'mstill in touch with her to this day, but that was pretty much it for me. Iyou know I had other. I knew the people who were adopted, but not necessarilyfrom China, and I think it does matter. You know what country sometimes Um'causeall ame fersor, that's really cool. I had Umactually a adopti group. My parents went to China, I think six otherfamilies Um and some kind of still in touch with them, but we end up leavingTennessee, so we're not like as close light as we were. So it's kind o cooljust to know that ther ere people out there who, like came home with me,almost UI, definitely tdiddidn't get to have thos conversations F. What adoptey Andee used me until college when I met a couple of other adopties and eventhen I feel like it's nottol right now, like an that's col that I'm finallykind of sorry to process. L Ke, what tdopausay American N, bright, yeah, ablfolk joys ar te different, like one person she's like an adopty and likethe rest of her siblings, are like...

...biokids and then like someone else liketo adopty as well. Who's like parents, like, I, don't, have a wordrelationship with the parents buth en my parents- and I are Ike really close.So it's like really hard to kind of talk to people about that, because justeough, like they dopt e, like Lut y ten diragram in like one circles, Asia andone's the Mar ten fil put overall, with her n put Adopti on there and you're,just like towith three circles and I feel like Caes just so nish and ISO. Igre really hard to like I coman ground. Almost sometimes it feels I or tolieyeah. I think it's definitely more complex than just the back that wereAsian doctis. You know, but I think it definitely helps kind ofAles O me Um. I also had a group that I was top with and I still in touch witha couple of them today. Ironically, I don'tthink we've ever really talkedabout adoption. I think that they're kind of on a different stage of theiroption journey than I am so I think that might be one of the reasons why,but I just thought it was hen I asause Um, I think. Even when I was in likeelementary school in high school, I always knew like at least one other mperson who was adopted in my grade and tha kind of makes a bit more normalizedthan mthat's really pecially, because Um, my sister is actually my parents,Biological Child Soi, I'm Mele Person N in my family. So it was it's Kindo Niceat least then seeing other adopties and my day to day life, and it goes alongwith the sentiment that I've heard other people kind of express on thispodcast of having someone else who's adopted just around you or m. You knowfrom what you can talk to, or even just having ating like a facebook groupreally just makes it easier and that you o you may not talk about it. But ifyou want to there's someone there who understands or there's hidden likethose underlying feelings that you don't realyee to explain or go in deathan prove while you feel that way they can they're like Oh yeah, I I'm AratYeah. That's so true! 'CAUSE, like I guess it's underquestion. Actually,when I ask you guys too was like how do you feel like Youre, a bondier goinginto your EASA? idenity was impacted like angrased by O my keys, like awhite family, because I know for me, like my family,loves me unconditionally, like they've, always made points to say, even thoughmy mom didn't Irkh me like I'm still their kid. So it's not like my familysnever made me feel like. I wasn't thers, but there's definitely like a complexof like trying to figure out where you fit and acammy that's white and thenThek. Now parents, like don't understand what it's like to like Asertlike on you, and if my parents, I still trying to explain to them like at colorby means and like what Wy perworkthere is and there's just so many facets oflight where I didn't doen't it Po tard up mo like for like a perching e worldas a person of color, and I think I don't want to blame my parents for that.Even though I definitely went through an angry phase in college hat, it waslike I regre, I'm also going toe to go through it. But do you feel, like Italked like other adopties or just people who, like are even by racialhiving? Those conversations I like? What is it like to be in a family whomight not understand what it is to be a person of collor? How were you guys probably affected bythat or I, if you even were, I think it's got you kind of maybeopposite of your experience in the sense that my parents were the onesthat kind of highlighted, I guess or like noted those migro aggressions andthose like umthose type of Um prejudice and discrimination. So I think I justkind of internalize it. It's like. Oh it's just M. It's just me likesomething's wrong with me or like. I guess I just don't bit in becausenobody likes me, even though I'm trying my best to be a good person like Idon't fit in at all with anybody, and I don't think I fully comprehended atfirst that it was 'cause, I'm different in a way for me. I think that my family, it'sand my sister are the only people of...

...color. However, I think what has mademe feel more comfortable is the acknowledgment from my family, but morespecifically, my mom and my dad that we are different and all kind of try liketurning a blind eye to that and just like putting it out there and sayingyeah like you guys are the only people co, you guys are the only crinisepeople in this family and appreciating it because my family, you know in all thereunions and or holidays. I just remember so many years, one name likefamily memberis bout like you know, people would be like have you know your uncle's eyes or yourmom's hair or oh you got. You know that my Havf, my Falimy, is Jewish. So Oh yoK ow, you got the Jewish cheens of like the the curly, hair and o know. I wouldjust be sitting there Lik, as en iaserwas younger and be like. Well, ifhundred persent doesn't apply to me, I don't Hav Gi, I don't have corr ther, but I think it wasn't that they were trying to beincensitive. I think they' just and ten stop to think about it. Once Iaddressed it, I think I mean it completely stopped and I loved it. Iloved that they were willing Er, it wasn't like you know. Some magic wordsmade me feel better. It was more so, just like saying I know you're adopted, I knowyou're different and that's Ok and we love you like. I think that that helpedme definitely on my dony with my family. I definitely agree with you there andthat it like it makes it more normal and esepted, and it kind of addressesyour question and your feeling of being different verses, just being like. No,no, no, it's no problem at all, like don't think about it and just likebrush it under the rug. Totally. I think that's something my familyisstarting to like find me realize it anything is partly 'cause like, likeyou, said, kind of having to tell your family an wedeaing that I think for awhile. It took me until like twenty one, like Youcan understand what thatfeeling was. I think my family's getting better with that, but I thinkit's hard 'cause there's that difference of like trying to knowledge. Like you are different fromyou fimunal way, but also Trinot, like Outpat, you n, and I think that'ssomething that, like as I've gotten older, like matured, more an Havin, thsconversations amy whole family as gotten a little better. But I definitely have go a like moreperspective as like garn older, too, of like where they might be coming fromand like out. In the end they like dog out of love, but its still like suchkind of weird dynamic. That a lot of my other friends like can't really do atall. It's tricky being n adopty for sureit's Secraiis at except in thing that constantly surprising myself. That now something bothers me or I'msensitive about something things that I would not have seemed thought of. Ithink it takes time to kind of O know uncover and itcomfortable and talk to the difficultthings, but it definitely helps to have people who are similar to kind ofbounce thoughts off of with no judgment and also like a like minded mindset. Yeah. Sometimes it almost feels like itpushes you to mature, faster in some ways, because you end up having to dealwith a lot of hard topics and, as you guys are saying you know, you have tohave these difficult conversations that altheir families may not have to have,and then also conversations with yourself of understanding R and likereally figuring out who you are and what parts of your you know birthculture. Do you relate to an h parts of your adopted culture? You want toflight to Tlie KINDOF, make up you yeah kind, o going off Um like what you said about, as youOldyo'r kind of figuring out, like what...

...you're sensitive to Um iim kind of likea little congental. But one thing that was definitely I didn't realize Horecently was like how my gr standards like mentally we're shaped. I just Seon,O likt community for so long and kind of like trying to figure out what Batyis, because we do look so different, I'm liting, O so insecureou on thepathlike IISH. My whole life were my eyes Um and in tenth crane I starteddoing eyelid. Qlue, which is where you like, take your monolids and you like,create double its with it m. A friend of mine who was Um was Asian AmericanHa Showin to me, and then he for so long. He kept doing that. I'm secretlyin away and Lik, my parents would understand. Net E did t around witewhite friends like they would kin, startind, really weird and like it just.I just felt always feing Tocar on my eyes, and then I got to college and,like I didnf other Isu Panslik o I like e, like so gont away for the first timelike someone else who knew what that one and valuathim or I didn't, feelweard about it and that's kind of like a personal reason. Just having thatlike in a way like someone else tat likelooks like you like kind of Oknowledge, like tdsenrs, like that, I was likewewl. This is like really eowering and that I ended up getting passit orgy.Actually, this summer, my eyes Um and I kind of like a solly kind ofGonover Heinseverin way, but I think it's definitly Hou of an adopted thingwhere it just took e so long to figure out like what VD s were, and it like, Imight not say t like the traditional Western one W to try and like mouldthat, like b round like empowering Asian women, honestly and people who Iwas o really beautiful- and I just never saw this growing up, I think that's also why Umingenopresentation in the mediais so important, because, like Ras e aginup,we are um exposed to only the white narrative,and I remember Evven, I think, maybe a one or two years ago, a D. I waswalking past the foor and I saw there was like an ancient personol and I waslike wowt'slike so cool. You know because I'd Neverseen Asian people onadvertisements, especially not like beauty ones- I don't know a eto Ha, butit was just really a nice to see that representation, and I remember when wehad on Kira Omens on like a while ago. She was talking. I love her. ARevolutionary Cresearch Asians was in the film industry because, before that,there hadn't really been that many roles and for Asians and the ones thatwere available were very like tight casted and that they realize Oh wow,there's like a big Asian demographic and they wanted to tap into that andthat's why we're lucky. Now we get to sea like to all the boys and just other, not flexavs, where thereisAsian and also Agan Adoptotaly name lead, which was really cool. So did your parents try to ammersy whenyour cultureor, like do things to introduce you, like you know, seling Yo,a Chinese school or ddance classes or st eating at uason restaurants eating at Asian restaurants? For sure?For me I mean my parents, an chow down on some Asian food, and that goes forlike three country M and as well as I actually had a Chinese tutor when I wasyounger Um- and I remember not only did she teach language but also I remembermaking my first dumbling im with her really think because, like of the communitylike what we're talking about this is a whole. Is You know it was, I think it was on likeSaturday mornings or something which is kind of inconvenient. I guess Um, I don't know sleepwoards op foday nightor whatever I don't know petty, petty stuff. I was kind of like. Why am Idoing this? This is boring, Blah Blah Blah Blah. I kindof wish I had stuckwith it, but it did like implement early on Kin,ofjust the appreciation of the culture and ways that my parents knew that theycouldn't provide for me. So I'm...

...grateful for that, even though you knowthat didn't last, you know a longng long time 't. They need like the effort to giveyou the option. Totally. My parents old that ut me to ly Chineseschool and I like recret eving it 'cause they tr. They had like triedtheir best to like immerse me in that culture as well, and then I think whenI go ne to seventh grade, I just Gor losed Tubbern and was like I don't wantto do os any more like I'm tired of being different. An I like pull myselfout of bit and it's something I like look back and I'm like, I was being sostubvered and I wish I would hav stuck with it, but my parents really did liketry and like give that kind of opportunity to me, which I reallyappreciate, and I wish I would is taken advantage of it. Yeah I've heard t's a really common regretfor a lot of adopties who are put their Chinese school, initially N. I think it's 'cause we're not reallyexplained like why this might be helpful and when it is, it doesn't seemlike it's Um. It just doesn't seem relevant. Theyalways directed it like. Oh, this is good for your future, like you shoulddo it just 'cause. It's your culture. I think also that m part of it was alsothe teachers within the Chinese schools. They don't really know what to do withall these adolted Chinese children. We have the disadvavantage of not havingfamilies to speak Chinese at home, and so they don't understand, we don't whowe can't speak or even understand what they're saying and then thou knowthey're trying to teach us, but if the ONL entie only opportunity that you getto speakmander in Isin school for like once a week, th n, it's not going to bevery conducive to your learning. I don't know about you guys, but I also found too that there's kind ofalmost a shame for me at least being in Chinese school and all my peers aroundme are speaking it with their parents. They when they get picked up, they go into class and they can justsay it so easily and heir pronunciations, correct Um. They gotheyget all the right words and answers correct, and then here I am strugglingand they kind of just look at you as a like. Why is it so hard? It shouldn't.Be this hard woll you hit the nail in the had. I think that's a huge. I agreecompletely yeah and I think that's actually something my dad had. Maybe inHindsi look back, I realize M 'cause. It would actually come to Chinese classwith me and like lit in the back and like record things and like that oldreporter and then go home and like Tri and practice it. So I swear you putmore time into it than I did and then he would try to practice with me. Um My parents had kind of ACKNOWLEDGacknowledging of, and I think that he might have been more upset that I quitbecause then he had to quit. I think he woum yeah. He had O put a lot of timeinto China. Like half someone to be that person that I could practice withwhich I I lik o what effort wh, I really loved yeah, but that wasdefinitely a thing for sure. I think it's just kind of like in those kind ofmoments, like you were saying, is just another kind of like reminder andyou're just a good. You O someone calld me a transplant in America and for somereason that kind of stuck with me. I feel like that. That's onof Rave Yeah.I was like this is very im Abrasive, but I kind of feel that that's an interesting way to illustratethat you know yeah, it's very grar and alhouh. Another turn that I've beencalled is Um Banana, no and twinking yeah. Really I've neverbeen called that yet haven't heard of tween La but ICLEARD.I like a NE ONE TO. I think, like my Fr, my one friend whoI'm the most in touch with WHO's, also adopted from China. We've like talkedabout even getting like little banana tattoos just because I I truly feellike it's symbolic and it's a visual way, obviously like. If someone callsit calls, you M that n malicious way.

That's inappropriate Y. I think that's,I think for me, 'cause whenever I hear the Timebanana I' think of tme of itall the times in my high school, that I tried to fe ner with the Asian kids andthey test went av it and they always used kind of terme. To dissuade me, Iguess a say: Oh Yo, he see how we can neve FIP aobeflory itink contact, texes everything, mhmtit's G. I mean even if um people did use it as an insle. It's Kindo likereclaiming that word as something at that's a good thing m a word can only have power if you giveit power eal. I guess I feel like in middle school. I was like called Twinkielminade and banana, but they were always like not mebing malicious in,like its intent, because the friends werecalling me it were like me, friendslike they were just like. Oh, like I want to give you this cutenic name orwhatever Um. It always felt weird with me 'cause. It is just kind of likeyou're different and like you're op Anana, and I'm like okay about the timeI actually kind of appreciated the attention in a way to Kund of knowledgeT at difference. When I got older and I was like I can feel this could be kindof insulting Trald Banana M. Are you daugument likewhat age are you talking about? I was in middle school, so I guess what isthat like Sirteen yeah, I was in high school ion. For me,I mean when you go when you're in high school you're going through all kindsof different identy crises, and you figuring out who you are and then toadd in, like the adopti complex and, like you know, the Asia Idati bottenpetting into either white Oragisan circles, just kind of exaggerated thatsure well, I was never called Anana or tky honesty. The first time I heardthat was in isirtations recently, but I remember getting called Um ink inelementary school. I had no idea what it meant like I had. I had no idea, Ididn't even know at was mean Um and honestly, the you know what we're likehen. You know we're young. I don't even think he really new the complexty of it,but when I told my mom she was nothing short of furious, it was pretty bad andthat's how it kind of how you were saying earlier, how youforget how you're Asian it was kind of reminder that as much as I identifiedalmost as being rite cause, I just wanted to fit in as a young person. I was different and I had t itdefinitely like set me on my journey up like loving, that I will and alwayswill be Asian or Chinese M Ye intense. So before we wrap up the episode isYoone. have any final thoughts they want to share. Can do your positivethoughts about growing up in a white community Um? I would say that I can beable to honestly think more positive now that I'm older 'cause, if you wouneto Aske me that question like te years ago, I was like in a Def mindset. Ithink part of it is like when you grew up any wet commutity without people wholook like you for so long like there is some type of n Yxultanil I was goingthrough for a while 'cause. I just knew I was so different and I couldn'tfigure out how and like the family's, not people colors. They also couldn'treally relate in some ways. So I think that there's definitey like the journeythat you have to go through as an adopty Um, and it takes a couple of birthdays andto kind of like Stari ebracing, that you are kind of in a way like by ethnic'cause. You do live in these Ike two separate worlds of Lake Ani, formlybeing in a white environment, usually, and then also like having this claim tlike an Asian identity that you might not fully embrace Yat. It takes ithingeffort and like conscious, trying to start en bracing that and like gittingin colleges when I gained that confidence in that empoweriment, fromlike s who ere Asian an like when I found people who look like me and likeKindo, realize that I am a differet,...

...but it's like Operry hingoing back to my family, like Iam,like a different mindset, because I don't have like that internal bottlegoing on so seevere. All like is, there are like challenges still being theonly person color in a white space. Sometimes even it is your family, but Ithink I've become a lot more aware of like what interseptuality is. It's notbetween like races, but it's Kindo Open my mies more to like just thinkingabout people like Indes, intersetually, giing, a lot of people, I n, like Ohyou're Asian person in a white family, and that's just only one type oftersetionality, I think, being just like kind of in the space that we are. It gives you like, a new window to S,look and like when you meet New People. Just kindof remind yourself like you,are different and, like this person might be different too, and not to likeput expectation on other people. An different doesn't necessarily meanlike that. Yeah like different, as in like kind of embracing like differencesand Lia out playing people in those tairy typical boxes, 'cause, we arekind of like representive oof, a different identity in a good way. Yeah.I feel like the doctrine, something that we always will continue to learnand like m grow with it's, not something that ever we ever Ithinkyearlyit'kind of resolve within ourselves. That makes sense yeah it putanother ide just to kind of like explore and grow eare there. Any otherfinal thoughts that you like to share thanks for having this podcast for forus to Um, learn and also listen to it, whilewe're on our journey Yeahi'm glad. I hope it continues to be useful toeveryone, IES EOFOR, having a on here, I really enjoyed it. You guys frown, making time to come andtalk with us today. Thank you. Great met, guys to meet you guys, thanks forjoining es terday tune in next week for another episode, if you're interestedin participating in one of these episodes, please emalus a somewhere dopbetween dat, podcast at Gmel, dotcom and don't forget to join our instrigentfamily somewhere between Dotfam to stay connected with updates casting callsand more seeguys next week.

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